2023

AP English Language
and Composition
®

Sample Student Responses
and Scoring Commentary
Set 1

Inside:
Free-Response Question 2
R Scoring Guidelines
R Student Samples
R Scoring Commentary

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AP® English Language and Composition 2023 Scoring Guidelines

Rhetorical Analysis

6 points

Michelle Obama was the First Lady of the United States during the presidential administration of her husband, Barack Obama (2009–2017). During that
administration, she led programs including the Reach Higher Initiative, which encourages students to continue their education after high school. One
way it does so is by supporting high school counselors’ efforts to get students into college. On January 6, 2017, Obama gave her final speech as First
Lady at an event honoring outstanding school counselors. The following passage is an excerpt from that speech. Read the passage carefully. Write an
essay that analyzes the rhetorical choices Obama makes to convey her message about her expectations and hope for young people in the United
States.
In your response you should do the following:
• Respond to the prompt with a thesis that analyzes the writer’s rhetorical choices.
• Select and use evidence to support your line of reasoning.
• Explain how the evidence supports your line of reasoning.
• Demonstrate an understanding of the rhetorical situation.
• Use appropriate grammar and punctuation in communicating your argument.

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AP® English Language and Composition 2023 Scoring Guidelines
Reporting
Category

Row A
Thesis
(0–1 points)

Scoring Criteria
0 points
For any of the following:
• There is no defensible thesis.
• The intended thesis only restates the prompt.
• The intended thesis provides a summary of the issue with no apparent or
coherent claim.
• There is a thesis, but it does not respond to the prompt.

1 point
Responds to the prompt with a defensible thesis that analyzes the writer’s rhetorical
choices.

Decision Rules and Scoring Notes
Responses that do not earn this point:
• Only restate the prompt.
• Fail to address the rhetorical choices the writer of the passage makes.
• Describe or repeat the passage rather than making a claim that requires a
defense.

Responses that earn this point:
• Respond to the prompt rather than restating or rephrasing the prompt and
clearly articulate a defensible thesis about the rhetorical choices Obama makes
to convey her message about her expectations and hope for young people in the
United States.

Examples that do not earn this point:
Restate the prompt
• “In 2017, then First Lady Michelle Obama delivered her final speech as
First Lady at an event honoring school counselors.”

Examples that earn this point:
Present a defensible thesis that analyzes the writer’s rhetorical choices
• “Michelle Obama uses a friendly tone, inspirational diction, and examples from
her own family to convey her message about her expectations and hope for
young people in America.”

Make a claim, but do not address the writer’s rhetorical choices
• “In her 2017 speech to school counselors, Michelle Obama set high
expectations for her audience, the young people of America.”
Repeat provided information from the passage
• “Michelle Obama claims in her speech that ‘our glorious diversity’ is what
‘makes us who we are.’”

•

“In her last speech as First Lady, Michelle Obama adopts the persona of a
mentor or parental figure, using second person pronouns and giving direct
advice, to inspire her audience of young people to ‘rise to their best possible
selves.’”

•

“In her inspirational 2017 speech, First Lady Michelle Obama provides multiple
examples of her own family to exhort the young people in her audience with a
call to action to take their place as positive and productive members of American
society.”

Additional Notes:
• The thesis may be more than one sentence, provided the sentences are in close proximity.
• The thesis may be anywhere within the response.
• For a thesis to be defensible, the passage must include at least minimal evidence that could be used to support that thesis; however, the student need not cite
that evidence to earn the thesis point.
• The thesis may establish a line of reasoning that structures the essay, but it needn’t do so to earn the thesis point.
•

A thesis that meets the criteria can be awarded the point whether or not the rest of the response successfully supports that line of reasoning.

© 2023 College Board

AP® English Language and Composition 2023 Scoring Guidelines
Reporting
Category

Row B
Evidence
AND
Commentary
(0–4 points)

Scoring Criteria
0 points
Simply restates thesis (if
present), repeats
provided information, or
offers information
irrelevant to the prompt.

1 point
EVIDENCE:
Provides evidence that is
mostly general.

2 points
EVIDENCE:
Provides some specific, relevant
evidence.

3 points
EVIDENCE:
Provides specific evidence to
support all claims in a line of
reasoning.

4 points
EVIDENCE:
Provides specific evidence to support
all claims in a line of reasoning.

AND

AND

AND

AND

COMMENTARY:
Summarizes the
evidence but does not
explain how the
evidence supports the
student’s argument.

COMMENTARY:
Explains how some of the
evidence relates to the student’s
argument, but no line of
reasoning is established, or the
line of reasoning is faulty.

COMMENTARY:
Explains how some of the
evidence supports a line of
reasoning.
AND
Explains how at least one
rhetorical choice in the
passage contributes to the
writer’s argument, purpose, or
message.

COMMENTARY:
Consistently explains how the
evidence supports a line of
reasoning.
AND
Explains how multiple rhetorical
choices in the passage contribute to
the writer’s argument, purpose, or
message.

Decision Rules and Scoring Notes
Typical responses that
earn 0 points:
• Are incoherent or do
not address the
prompt.
• May be just opinion
with no textual
references or
references that are
irrelevant.

Typical responses that
earn 1 point:
• Tend to focus on
summary or
description of a
passage rather than
specific details or
techniques.
• Mention rhetorical
choices with little or
no explanation.

Typical responses that earn
2 points:
• Consist of a mix of specific
evidence and broad
generalities.
• May contain some simplistic,
inaccurate, or repetitive
explanations that don’t
strengthen the argument.
• May make one point well but
either do not make multiple
supporting claims or do not
adequately support more
than one claim.
• Do not explain the
connections or progression
between the student’s claims,
so a line of reasoning is not
clearly established.

Typical responses that earn
3 points:
• Uniformly offer evidence
to support claims.
• Focus on the importance of
specific words and details
from the passage to build
an argument.
• Organize an argument as a
line of reasoning
composed of multiple
supporting claims.
• Commentary may fail to
integrate some evidence or
fail to support a key claim.

Typical responses that earn 4 points:
• Uniformly offer evidence to
support claims.
• Focus on the importance of
specific words and details from
the passage to build an
argument.
• Organize and support an
argument as a line of reasoning
composed of multiple supporting
claims, each with adequate
evidence that is clearly explained.
• Explain how the writer’s use of
rhetorical choices contributes to
the student’s interpretation of
the passage.

Additional Notes:
• Writing that suffers from grammatical and/or mechanical errors that interfere with communication cannot earn the fourth point in this row.
• To earn the fourth point in this row, the response may observe multiple instances of the same rhetorical choice if each instance further contributes to the
argument, purpose, or message of the passage.

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AP® English Language and Composition 2023 Scoring Guidelines
Reporting
Category

Row C
Sophistication
(0–1 points)

Scoring Criteria
0 points
Does not meet the criteria for one point.

1 point
Demonstrates sophistication of thought and/or a complex understanding of the rhetorical
situation.

Decision Rules and Scoring Notes
Responses that do not earn this point:
• Attempt to contextualize the text, but such attempts consist
predominantly of sweeping generalizations (“In a world where . . .”
OR “Since the beginning of time . . .”).
• Only hint at or suggest other arguments (“While some may argue
that . . .” OR “Some people say . . .”).
• Examine individual rhetorical choices but do not examine the
relationships among different choices throughout the text.
• Oversimplify complexities in the text.
• Use complicated or complex sentences or language that is
ineffective because it does not enhance their analysis.

Responses that earn this point may demonstrate sophistication of thought and/or a
complex understanding of the rhetorical situation by doing any of the following:
1. Explaining the significance or relevance of the writer’s rhetorical choices (given the
rhetorical situation).
2. Explaining a purpose or function of the passage’s complexities or tensions.
3. Employing a style that is consistently vivid and persuasive.

Additional Notes:
• This point should be awarded only if the sophistication of thought or complex understanding is part of the argument, not merely a phrase or reference.

© 2023 College Board

Sample 2A (1 of 1)
Former First Lady Michelle Obama was known for programs and project that focused on the youth of the United
Staes. Things that would help them become great citizens when they group up. In her final speech as first lady
Obama uses repitition, emotional appeals and allsions to convey her message about her expectations and hope for
young people in the US.
Former first lady Obama express her message about her hopes and expectations for young people by using allusions
and emotional appeals. For example she alludes to the pilgrams reason for coming to the new world in paragrph
three when she discusses the tradition of American religious diveristy. This allsion is important because it provides
an explanation for why we have the freedom of religion and why America is so religiously diverse, because people
came here as a fresh start to be away from religious persecution and to practice and belive in whatever they want to
belive in. It's importnat because it explains to her audeicne of young people that they do not have to be afraid of
what they belive in because those differeing religions contribute to the makeup of the nation. It exemplifies that part
of the rich diveristy of the United States is relgious diveristy it makes the citizens of this nation who they are and it's
importnat because without the US wouldn't be what it is and the ideas and concepts that are shared wouldn't be
shared if there was no religious diversity. Obama also uses emotional appeals when she says, "If your family didn't
have much money, I want you to remeber that in this country plenty of folks..... started out with very little." This
appeal is importnat because it illustrates how not only is she relating to her audience but also how other people relate
with them as well. Her use of appeal in this sentence shows the audience that they are not alone when it comes to
things that there are many other people who go through the same things. It's importnat to her audienece of young
peope who may believe that they are less than because it shows them that they can get just as far as she has. Which
conveys her message because it provides her audience hope that no matter the situation with hard work they can do
anything they put their minds to and acheive their goals.
Obama also uses repetion to convey her message as well. For example when she says, "If you.." or "If your..." The
uses of repitition is importnat because it emphasizes all the different potential charcateristics or circumstances
people could be going through. The use of repitition is importnat because it shows how Obama appeals to everyone ,
how her message is for everyone not one particular group of people but everyone. Which is importnat to her
audience of young people because young peopel often have thoughts and questions on whether or not soething
applies to them or if they are included or a part of something. The repetition shows to them that they are included
that this message applies to them and that her hope and expectations for are applied to them. That she's extending
that hope and those expectations to every young person out there. She also uses repetion of the word "you"
throughout her speech.The repeating of the word you is important because it directs the speech back to the
audidence. It helps to convey the expectation part of her message. It emphasizes that as young people they are the
next leaders, the next doctors, the next lawyers etc and emphasizes as they the next generation of leaders that they
need to prepare themselves for the challenges ahead but still also be propenents of change. Be the people who fix
things, discover new things and make the United States a more free, and just nation by being an engaged citizen.
Another exmaple of repetition she uses is the phrase, " the hope..". The repetition of this phrase is importnat because
it extends hope and encourgagement that they will actively try to make their communities a better place. The
reptition of this phrase is important because it illustrates to her audience of young people the hope she has for them.
It shows them that she hopes they carry on like their ancestors and the people before them in being people of
positive change. It displays to them not only the kind of hope she has but that everyone should have, despite their
title, status, or occupation. That everyone should have hope and be hopeful that they can be proponents of change in
their communites and their nation.

Sample 2B (1 of 1)
A strong powerful woman gave a push to the future generation of America. First lady Michelle Obama gave a
speech in her final days in administration to encourage students to continue their education after high school. While
speaking to the students at their high school Michelle uses a call to action, ,and broad speaking to relate and push
these students.
Michelle states in her speech "...This right isn't just handed to you..." she makes it very clear to these students that
this "right" is not easy to come about and takes lots of hard work. She reminds them that you will fail and you
cannot take freedoms for granted. But that you need to think of this journey now, you need to plan and make sure
that you can be successful when it comes to that point in life. "And that means getting the best education possible..."
she states telling them to get engaged with this American freedom; resulting in a good job, being able to support
your family, and being a positive force, as she states in paragraph 5.
This first lady wants all students to feel as though they can have a higher education after high school. She never
pinpoints one social group or is directly talking to them, making each students feel like they have a chance at
success after grade school. She is friendly and keeps everyone in mind, Michelle relates to everyone, even people of
many religions, telling them they too can continue their learning of values, "So I want our young people to continue
to learn and practice those values with pride." No one should miss out on education in Michelle Obama's eyes.
Obstacles, problems, money issues and all these experiences can be faced throughout schooling. But Michelle
Obama wants you to know that nothing is impossible, that every minority has the chance to have a higher life. She
pushes us to take that step now to prepare and not let any problem at hand stop you from trying, all students deserve
and should have a education after high school.

Sample 2C (1 of 1)
In her last speech, Michelle Obama uses comparing and contrasting to convey her message about her
expectations and hope for young people in the United States.
She compares and relates to her and her husband's life leading up to their spot in the White House to an
ordinary citizen. She expresses how they started with very little and with very hard work and time, they were able to
work there way up to becoming the President and First Lady of the United States, which is what the American
Dream is all about. Many ordinary, and even poorer, United States citizens coming from all different backgrounds
and religions can do what they did through hard work and education. She states, "If your family doesn't have much
money, I want you to remember that in this country, plenty of folks, including me and my husband----we started out
with very little. But with a lot of hard work and a good education, anything is possible----even becoming President.
That's what the American Dream is all about." She compares to life to an avaerage citizens life to activiely display
how they are capable of doing exactly what her and her husdand did, while trying to encourage those people to work
hard to get there, putting in effort and continuing their education after high school.

AP® English Language and Composition 2023 Scoring Commentary

Question 2
Note: Student samples are quoted verbatim and may contain grammatical errors.
Overview
Students responding to this question were expected to read an excerpt from a 2017 speech delivered
by Michelle Obama at an event honoring outstanding school counselors and then write an essay that
analyzes the rhetorical choices Obama made to convey her message about her expectations and
hope for young people in the United States. Students were expected to respond to the prompt with a
thesis that analyzes the speaker’s rhetorical choices; select and use evidence to support their line of
reasoning; explain how the evidence supports their line of reasoning; demonstrate an understanding
of the rhetorical situation; and use appropriate grammar and punctuation in communicating their
argument.
As per the Course and Exam Description, students were expected to be able to read and understand
the speech and identify the strategic choices Obama made related to the rhetorical situation, explain
how those rhetorical choices contributed to the purpose of the address, identify and describe their
claims, and analyze and select the appropriate evidence to support their claims.
Sample: 2A
Score: 1-3-1
Thesis (0–1) points: 1
The defensible thesis is the last sentence of paragraph 1: “In her final speech as first lady Obama
uses repitition, emotional appeals and allsions to convey her message about her expectations and
hope for young people in the US.”
Evidence and Commentary (0–4 points): 3
The response provides specific evidence to support all claims in a line of reasoning. For instance,
paragraph 2 includes several examples of how Obama acknowledges and appeals to the diversity of
her audience (diversity of religion and economic background), and paragraph 3 explains several
examples of ways in which Obama’s use of repetition “emphasizes all the different potential
charcateristics or circumstances people could be going through” and “illustrates to her audience of
young people the hope she has for them.”
The response is organized in a line of reasoning that focuses on Obama’s awareness of and appeals
to the audience through various rhetorical choices, building upon claims made in paragraph 2 to
explain claims in paragraph 3. For example, the claim that Obama’s emotional appeal in paragraph 2
“shows the audience that they are not alone when it comes to things that there are many other
people who go through the same things” is built upon in paragraph 3 with the explanation that
Obama’s message “is importnat to her audience of young people because young peopel often have
thoughts and questions on whether or not soething applies to them or if they are included or a part of
something.” While the discussion of the pilgrims and religious diversity in paragraph 2
demonstrates an understanding of the historical context from which the value of religious diversity
in America comes, the commentary that follows—“it explains to her audeicne of young people that
they do not have to be afraid of what they believe in because those differing religions contribute to
the makeup of the nation”—does not clearly explain how Obama’s rhetorical choice to include the
allusion effectively conveys her expectations and hope for young people in the United States.
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AP® English Language and Composition 2023 Scoring Commentary

Question 2 (continued)
Sophistication (0–1 points): 1
The response demonstrates a complex understanding of Obama’s rhetorical situation and goes
beyond repeating information included in the prompt, consistently connecting Obama’s speech to
the past as well as the understanding that today’s words are meant to impact the future. The
response offers a sophisticated understanding of why Obama includes specific references: “She
alludes to the pilgrams reason for coming to the new world in paragrph three when she discusses the
tradition of American religious diveristy.” The response’s style is not particularly vivid or
persuasive, but it does not suffer weaknesses in language control (despite consistent misspellings)
that would interfere with the sophistication of the argument.
Sample: 2B
Score: 1-2-0
Thesis (0–1) points: 1
The defensible thesis appears in the last two sentences of paragraph 1: “First lady Michelle Obama
gave a speech in her final days in administration to encourage students to continue their education
after high school. While speaking to the students at their high school Michelle uses a call to action,
,and broad speaking to relate and push these students.”
Evidence and Commentary (0–4 points): 2
While the response identifies two rhetorical choices—“call to action” and “broad speaking”—it relies
more on restating Obama’s message than on offering commentary that explains how these two
rhetorical choices help to convey that message, e.g., “She reminds them that you will fail and you
cannot take freedoms for granted” (paragraph 2). The claim about inclusion in paragraph 3 is
simplistic and repetitive: “She never pinpoints one social group or is directly talking to them … She
is friendly and keeps everyone in mind, Michelle relates to everyone, even people of many religions
… No one should miss out on education in Michelle Obama’s eyes.” Because the response does not
explain any connections between the claims or connect them back to the stated rhetorical choices, no
line of reasoning is clearly established.
Sophistication (0–1 points): 0
The response does not explore complexities or tensions within Obama’s argument, nor does it
explain the significance of Obama’s rhetorical choices. Instead, the response borders on summary
and oversimplification, e.g., “Michelle Obama wants you to know that nothing is impossible” and
“This first lady wants all students to feel as though they can have a higher education after high
school.” The style is not particularly vivid or persuasive.
Sample: 2C
Score: 1-1-0
Thesis (0–1) points: 1
The defensible thesis is found in the first sentence of the response: “In her last speech, Michelle
Obama uses comparing and contrasting to convey her message about her expectations and hope for
young people in the United States.”

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AP® English Language and Composition 2023 Scoring Commentary

Question 2 (continued)
Evidence and Commentary (0–4 points): 1
While the response identifies “comparing and contrasting” in paragraph 2 as a rhetorical choice,
(e.g., comparing “her and her husband’s life leading up to their spot in the White House to an
ordinary citizen”), it does not explain how the comparisons support Obama’s desire to improve
educational opportunities. The response consists of mostly summary and description in paragraph 2
(e.g., “She expresses how they started with very little” and “She states, ‘If your family doesn’t have
much money, I want you to remember that in this country, plenty of folks … started out with very
little’”) offering little or no explanation of the rhetorical choices Obama makes and how they convey
her message.
Sophistication (0–1 points): 0
Because the response is largely descriptive, it does not explore complexities and tensions. The
argument relies on one underdeveloped claim about comparison, so it does not display
sophistication of thought or a complex understanding of the rhetorical situation. The style is neither
vivid nor persuasive.

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